I went to a few parties this weekend, which was a good thing. I was starting to worry about just how interesting all of the stuff that comes out of the vacuum cleaner trap seems to me. I guess what some judgmental people would call "Having No Life," I like to think of as "Intense Being with Myself." Anyway, as much as I like where I live and as much as my boyfriend and I try our damndest to communicate our real selves to each other (though this weekend when I said something deep and profound - can't remember what just now - he responded with "because you're very sexy!" And then I got annoyed...not that I don't like being called sexy, but he just doesn't listen!!), there comes a time when I need to venture out into larger social circles.

I attended a house-warming party where I got to see how the other half lives (the other half being homeowners in West LA). Now, I'm as tired as the next renter of people rattling on about how the value of their house has gone up $100,000 in the last ten minutes. WE KNOW THAT YOU ARE MAKING MONEY ON YOUR HOUSE! Now could you please show some compassion for those of us not wise or rich enough to buy back in April???! Aside the obligatory "That Crazy Housing Market" conversation, I had a good time catching up with my friend in her beautiful backyard.

The second party I went to was a dinner work party. The margaritas were excellent, the conversation was fun and real, and the food great. The only misgiving came when I saw the red meat. Not being a big steak eater, I haven't had red meat in a long time and, in the past, rare has always meant "somewhat cooked" to me. So when I saw the raw hunks of animal flesh next to the grilled veges, I thought that there must have been some confusion and the chef just happened to lay out the uncooked meat. The bright red hide sat there and seemingly mocked any vegetarians who happened to pass.

Overall I had a great weekend and "feel blessed" (I'm trying on this expression).

Just for today, I have a social life.

As of late (the past ten years), I have found small talk excruciatingly tiring. The older I and the people I'm talking to get, the smaller the talk. In junior high, it was fully acceptable to have an emotional break-down in response to the question, "How are you?" We were so young and naiive, we didn't know that you aren't supposed to answer that question honestly. Even in my twenties I might stumble into a deeper conversation with total strangers at a party about the search for a career, or relationship. However, these days, the more settled people are, the less they really feel like examining their choices outside of a shrink's office. So, what are safe topics? Food. Apartment rents (but stay away from the housing markets). And, food.

Yesterday, I went to a two social gatherings (shower, bbq) and found by the second one I had fully maxed out my ability to be charming and engaging (at least in my head). I was done and dinner wasn't even ready, yet. I was like a computer whose battery ran out. I could only sit near the kiddie pool and eat chips, and wonder how we get to a place in our lives where we can talk about cheese and wine for two hours.

Just for today, I can practice being social.