There aren't words to describe the outrage and sadness I feel for the hardships of the refugees from Hurricane Katrina. THIS is the most powerful, wealthiest country in the world?! THIS is the first world? What is wrong with our federal government?! We can organize elections/wars/coups in other countries, but we can't get food and water to our own? If this had happened in Iraq, there would be more organization, it would have been taken care of by now.

While I wouldn't have it work out this way, at the very least the world see's the neglect the United States has paid to itself while focusing so hard on presumed "terrorist threats" from half-way across the world. While I know many whites and others have suffered in this tragedy, the truth is that being black and poor in the US is an unofficial crime and the federal government clearly doesn't see these people as worthy enough of the immediate aid any well-to-do white community would receive in minutes of a similar ordeal. It's the truth and I'm tired of participating in the covert lies of this country by not writing about it enough. This is the land of injustice, an outrageous and growing inequitable distribution of wealth, and a very insidious unspoken racism. And the tragic result is the situation in New Orleans that we see today.

I take responsibility for this. Yes, I do. I was not out there doing everything in my power to keep that spoiled vacationing, lying, patronizing nimwit out of office. But I've had it. I'm ready for 2008.

For tonight, besides giving money to Red Cross, all I can do is pray that the refugees get their basic needs met and the support to rebuild their lives.

Just for today, my heart goes out to the victims of Hurrican Katrina.

Between watching TV and watching TV, I haven't had a moment to write in my blog. This is the most heart-breaking national tragedy I've ever experienced (albeit via the media). I feel for the lives of poor people of color (black, Latino, etc.) in general (not to imply, in any way, that this is of any use to anybody, but it is true). But to have the F.G. (Federal Government...I just can't say it outside of parantheticals) respond to the needs of so many thousands of people with such a laxidaisical, ho-hum attitude, just pushes my own trauma/pain/abandonment issues to the nth degree. I know the feeling of "Why the hell isn't any one doing anything about this situation?! Why doesn't any one care?!" I feel it when I visit public schools in Los Angeles and I felt it in my childhood. And I know the pain of asking for help from people who can't or don't care to give it to you. But unlike any of these experiences in my lifetime, this was/is a real life or death situation for thousands of people.

What was/is Bush thinking?! Possibilities, include:

"You mean it's still going on?! When's it gonna be fixed?"
"Can terrorists create hurricanes?...I wonder."
"Do I have to go down there, again?! I was just there last week!"
"Boy it must suck to be black and poor in America."

Over the last few days I feel so grateful for a functioning toilet, for a warm bed, for a spacious private apartment, and beautiful weather. My life feels excessively blessed.

Just for today, I pray for the Katrina victims and am grateful for my own life.

I can't believe Bush is heading an investigation on the failure of the federal government to respond adequately to the victims of Hurricane Katrina.

What IS he thinking? Possibilities, include:

"What a mess. Who's running this show anyway?!"
"Thank God for the foreign aid! If it didn't come along, we'd never be able to pass the tax cut."
"Are they sure that New Orleans is America? Are they absolutely sure?"

Just for today, I can offer scathing criticism of our nation's "leader."

Of all the hurricane-related acts of generosity that have taken place to make up for the blatant racist disregard of that guy who lives in the White House, the fact that Mexico sent their army to feed evacuees and Red Cross volunteers touches me the most. We treat Mexicans like criminals for coming over here to clean our yards, pick our fruit, and take care of our children (though, if we really didn't want them to come, we could always not hire them). And yet, they respond with an open hearted generosity, like a poor family willing to share their meal with a hostile stranger. It's humbling, really. In the last few weeks I have felt embarrassed, shamed, and rageful by the events that transpired following the hurricane, and finally, humbled by the benevolence of people and countries like Mexico. They come to us with love and forgiveness.

However, I do have to say, I see growth in Bush. He did take responsibility for his "mistake" today. I'm glad he's being gentle with himself. I'm still beating myself up for the time I let my dad's car roll down the hill and that didn't leave anyone suffering from hunger, thirst, and heat stroke for days on end. This man has blood on his hands, if you ask me, but sometimes it takes a low bottom before some people will wake up.

Perhaps I can be like Mexico and forgive the mistakes of my country and it's "elected" leaders.

Just for today, I am humbled by acts of kindness.

If I see any more images of a body part under some rubble, or read about any more people who lost children and/or a dozen relatives in Myanmar, or swallow any more of the thinly veiled contempt for the only candidate with an actual thought-out, well-developed health care plan, I'm going to need some meds.

Being well-informed is simply not good for my emotional health.

Just for today, I can practice abstinence from my news addiction.

I found out that I didn't get the Big Corporate Job I Really Thought I Wanted.

Damn.

And, then I turned on the news and realized that I'm not peering out of a pile of concrete and rubble, wondering if half, or all of, my family is dead, and if I will soon join them.

Perspective.

I want to go to Haiti and cover the news, heal the injured, coordinate the relief efforts, and blog about it. Unfortunately, I think the only position I'm really qualified for is blogger, and even then I probably wouldn't know how to survive carrying my own water, food, and camping gear.

But I do think I'm a good coordinator.

Just for today, I pray for the people in Haiti.

I was starving when I came home after swimming tonight, and then I remembered reading about people in Haiti this morning, and decided to rephrase my condition. I was, actually, just hungry.

On the day the earthquake hit Haiti and the following days, I spent hours watching and reading every piece of news I could find (American news blows...Canadian news was great). At that time, three weeks ago, I had no prospects for a job, and after cannibalizing my retirement, was almost completely out of money, sans that endless source of support (no, not God, California Unemployment in the Obama administration...they fucking rock!). Still, I don't live with my parents, but was wondering if that might be the next step. Mostly, though, I felt destitute and abandoned. However, when I read about Haiti that feeling fell into relief against that panoramic state of awareness only gained by knowledge: perspective.

My life, previously dire, seemed without fault. Even going into debt (shudder), remaining single the rest of my life (double shudder), and driving my 2002 Honda Civic into the ground, and my 2005 Powerbook into the ether, became a privileged existence compared to losing my children, limbs, or watching my family go hungry. Sure, I live in a society that's spiritually bankrupt and socially fractured to the point of isolation...but is the loneliness created by a culture driven by a perverse insatiable need for more and greater crap really a form of suffering, or the result of being incredibly spoiled?

Broke, lonely, I thought about Haiti for a week straight and then a week later, "the universe" or "God" or "fate" brought a job to me, and I experienced a burst of renewed faith in life.

But what about them?

Just for today, I am grateful for my life.