My mom came to visit and we went out to dinner on Sunday night. Lately, it seems that whenever I'm out with my mom, guys approach me more. It seems that my mom is a Guy Magnet for me. Like, what babies are to men.

Anyway, my mom is never thrilled by the reception I give any guy who shows some degree of interest. Sure, it's easy for her, she doesn't have to live with him. She's consumed with visions of grandchildren. It's kind of a different story from my end. All I see is the ball and chain that will keep me from salsa dancing. Yes, I plan to keep talking about it in therapy.

Aside our talk about how I'm not "open minded enough" (in regards to men) we had a good visit and I ate lots of good food (my refrigerator is stocked).

Just for today, I can visit with mom.

My mom suggested for the 100th time that I might want to consider an arranged marriage.

...maybe if I was Indian, Hindu, 18-years-old, and wanted an arranged marriage. The fact that I have to explain, makes me feel sad.

I also don't know if I can have a conversation with my mother without hearing the words, "Let me finish!"

Just for today, I can write about things my mom says.

My mom's cat is depressed. The vet recommended anti-depressants, and/or this special cat-flavored aromatherapy treatment. I suggested finding a cat therapist intern who needs to put hours in towards getting licensed. But my mom opted for the aromatherapy treatment ( the cheap-o route), and, according to her, it seems to be working.

The problem (for my mom) is that Donuts meows constantly. But if you pet her, hold her, give her some love, she stops. Funny how that works. Her (Donut's) sister died last year and since they didn't speak, I think it took her a while to start processing her grief.

Oh, Donuts, you have no idea...imagine going through this while holding down a 40 hour a week job! God, I wish I was a cat....

Just for today, I hope to reincarnate as a rich woman's cat.

"You can light candles for me at church, but you can't set me up with any more sons of people you meet on cruises."

"You're not open minded!"

"Stop yelling."

"I'm not yelling!"

"You have a yelling tone."

"Well, a 'yelling tone' is not yelling...."

"I appreciate the candles."

"My friends are lighting candles, too."

"There are probably more worthy causes of a candle vigil than my single status."

This lighting candles stuff is no joke. It works. My grandmother started it. I think she might have belonged to some Secret Candle Powers Society that disguised their practice as Catholic faith. Seriously, if everyone lit candles for the middle class we might have public health care, keep union workers' rights, and heal the spiritual corruption on Wall Street.

At this point in time she could burn down a barn with the amount of candles she's lit for me.

Just for today, I love my mom.

A lot going on in the world right now. War. Unemployment. Earthquakes. Poverty. Gas Prices. And then there's the email my mom wrote me about dating:

(Note: I got permission to post the following. I love my mom and the fact that she loves me enough to write this email.)

At 4:00 am this morning I was thinking about on-line dating....

4:00 AM! Talk about pressure! Not only am I keeping her from becoming a grandmother, but now I'm causing her to lose sleep.

Have you seen the movie Harold and Maude? I just saw it again a few months ago - it's great. And Ruth Gordon is so wonderful. Check it out and view it again.

You mean that movie about an 80-year-old woman and 16-year-old boy who fall in love? Mom, do you think I'm as hard-up as an 80-year-old woman?

When you communicate with the potential dates I hope you're not being too negative. I think it is alright to state negative past experiences, or thoughts, but they should be (on the dating scene) seen as "big secrets" and only narrated to close and trusted friends, not on first or second dates.

I know I have been oversharing since before Facebook made it cool, but even I know when to drop the "big secrets" bomb. I do believe, though, that my mom and I have different definitions of "big secrets." For instance, "I've been to therapy" isn't a "big secret" to me.

People love to talk about themselves, especially men...

Here we go...

...and if you encourage them to talk about themselves they'll be happy with you. Then you can say, "Wow, that sounds interesting!" "How did you do that?" Etc.....

My mom should be writing for this.

It's hard to believe that she once used to subscribe to Ms. Magazine. In the 5th grade, my mom bought me a shirt that said, "A woman needs a man, like a fish needs a bicycle." I thought she was serious.

Just for today, I love my Mom.

While packing for her move my Mom has been attempting to unload all kinds of random family artifacts (i.e., crap) onto my life. My mother can attach an intensity of meaning to material objects that some reserve for religious worship. Yes, I smile when I drink out of the glass that was a jar in 1985, but tell me, what am I supposed to do with the Oscar the Grouch Cookie Jar? Her pant suit from 1992?

My bag of notes from junior high school, however, contains sacred text (as in words on paper). Though, I do agree they should be burned on the grounds of violating laws against Lethal Boringness. (And, yet, I can't throw them out). Albums, college papers, photographs...fine. But a part of me would be happy to wave a magic wand and disappear the hope chest complete with my high school journals (whose key I have conveniently lost).

Just for today, I don't know what to do with this stuff.

My mom and I have been having the exact same conversation for twenty years.

"How are you?"

"Tired."

"Are you taking vitamins?"

"No. I can't swallow them. They make me want to puke."

"Well, you can break them in half."

These days the words are the same, but the inflection has reached a higher level of hysteria.

"How are you?"

"Tired."

"Are you taking vitamins?"

"No. I told you already. I CAN'T SWALLOW THEM. VITAMINS MAKE ME WANT TO PUKE!!!"

"WELL, YOU CAN BREAK THEM IN HALF!!!"

I know my mom loves me and only wants me to feel healthy. And so, I'm vowed to avoid the Vitamin Conversation.

Next time she asks if I'm taking vitamins, I will respond with one of the followings:

1) "No, but I plan to see a nutritionist to take care of my anoemia."
2) "No, but I appreciate that you care about me so much."
3) "No, but I just bought a vitamins crusher...vitamins no longer have a hold over my gag reflex."

Just for today, I love my mom.