Just for today, it's OK to be alone. Tonight I thought about going to the movies alone, but then I got worried. What if I run into someone I know and they think I can't find anyone to go to the movies with?! I can always tell them that I'm on an artist date and, therefore, supposed to be alone. But what if they haven't read the Artist's Way? Well, it's a really great book and I could recommend it. But what if they aren't even artists? I could always tell them that it's a good book for anyone to read. Wait -- it's important for me to remember that what other people think is none of my business. Just for today, it's OK to be alone and not worry about what other people think. Right?

Before I go to bed at night I like to say goodnight to the things and creatures around me, just like the child in the famous children's book, "Goodnight Moon."

"Goodnight moon."

"Goodnight teddy bear from before I was born."

"Goodnight lonely, empty apartment."

"Goodnight Virgin Mary candle from the 99 cents store."

"Goodnight dripping faucet."

"Goodnight yelling neighbor's abusive boyfriend who doesn't let her get a word in edge-wise."

"Goodnight Santa Ana winds."

"Goodnight vibrator that doesn't work properly."

"Goodnight drunk people walking down the alley (below my window) at 2:00 AM and screaming out lewd references to their sexual practices."

"Goodnight crazy roller-blading saxophone guy who also rides down the alley all night."

"Goodnight early, early morning jogger who breathes really loud."

"Goodnight early morning birds."

"Goodnight early morning sun."

"Goodnight alarm going off."

Just for today, I can say goodnight to the world around me.

My social life fell to record-breaking lows the other night when I found myself eating an In-n-Out Burger in my car in the parking lot in front of my ATM machine. It all came about in a perfectly logical way. I was hungry, had just worked out, In-n-Out was close, I was low on cash, and, because I was low on cash, needed to go to the ATM. But the actual manifestation of it all was so far from everything I aspire to in my personal life that it felt like the gods wept in pity (though I don't need anyone's pity…at least not yet). It's one thing to eat alone in my apartment where no one can see me watching "The Bachelor" (boy, that show is so-scripted) and checking my e-mail for the 30th time that day. But 1) eating in my car; 2) food that cost under $5.00 (I don't care how Christian and pious the owners of In-n-Out are); and 3) while looking over my shoulder for both the threat and company of some would-be ATM lurker, made my aloneness a little too freakishly public. Newsflash for me: we are social animals. Definitely time to sound the alarms.

A woman told me yesterday that the happy-n'-single state to seriously-ready-to-squeeze-out-the-puppies state can "turn on a dime." That dime did an instant flip when I realized that if I inserted a couple of kids, my parking lot/In-n-Out experience would feel more fun-loving (hell, another warm body would feel more fun-loving.) Please note: when I was in my twenties, I thought women who wrote and talked about this wanted a family needed to Get A Life...(times change after I differentiated...more on that later).

Just for today, I am over the single life.

I've been feeling lonely of late.

I called my friend Olga, but she was rushing out to her Kundalini yoga class and said that she couldn't make plans until she returned from her ten day silent retreat on Mauii. I tried my friend Tracy, but she was in the middle of a meditation. So I went to a meeting and shared that all I feel like doing with my life is shucking coconuts on a Carribean island and selling jewelry made out of tortoise shell, but I almost started a 12-step riot of uncomfortable laughter. Afterwards, people came up to me and said things like, "you go with the whole hippy thing if that works for you, I'M pursuing my dream of winning a Tony for my one woman show about bulimia."

I hate to feel misunderstood because it's so First World. You don't see women in Ghana slouching in front of a monitor because they've got "stuff coming up" and their therapist is on vacation.

Speaking of "stuff coming up," (which is a popular euphemism for emotion and grief...BTW, I really like how the word "stuff" can describe everything from sadness, to luggage, to sinus blockage), I hear that the release of this "stuff" into the real world is a good thing and means that I'm becoming (big therapy word coming up)....EMOTIONALLY AVAILABLE!

However, right now I feel lonely and like I've fallen off the treadmill (one of the hamster wheel ones at 24 Hour Fitness) of life and can't get up.

Just for today, it's OK to feel lonely and to have "stuff coming up."

Yes, I'm quoting the Sex and the City (LOVE THAT SHOW!) episode that challenged and explored the myth of the lonely single woman. My single and fabulous friend at work who I'll just call Roberta (don't ask me why) has suggested that I register myself somewhere nice (say Crate & Barrell, Pottery Barn, the Mac counter).

I am currently choosing to see my single status as a state of asshole-freeness.

Just for today, I am single and fabulous.

I spent the day cleaning my apartment and cooking meals for the week. So boring. Why can't I spend a luxurious Sunday sleeping in, eating a late brunch, reading the paper, and lazing around with my super sexy boyfriend?

1) I don't have a super sexy boyfriend (where are you?).
2) I have a compulsive cleanliness problem.
3) The newspaper scares me (the front page especially).
4) The brunch hour confuses me (isn't the whole day brunch?).

It's still a dream worth having.

Just for today, I accept that my Sunday was boring.

I've been spending a lot of quality time with myself and I'm worried that it's starting to make me strange. I'm becoming one of those overly-friendly types that plague coffee shops and talk the ear off of retail clerks. It's the less dramatic version of becoming a bag lady. The lost coffee-shop lady who sits in the corner and who everyone avoids for fear that she'll start grilling them about their lives...

I mean, it's not that bad right now...but what if this is just the beginning?!

Just for today, I can look at my compulsive chattiness.

I just came back from the Santa Monica pier where I was supposed to meet some friends on the sand and listen to the concert. Clearly, my brain is occupied with other matters because I arrived sans cell phone, money, or a jacket. I'm surprised I had shoes on. I walked around and looked for them, but couldn't find them. Even if somebody has loaned me their phone, gone are the days when I actually memorize people's phone numbers...talk about bad planning.

Anyway, I decided to forget the whole thing and I ended up in Bebe trying on tops (nice stuff in that store).

Just for today, I can accept my limitations and be gentle with myself when I futz my whole night up.

Friday is the day to drink wine. Saturday is the day to scrub the residue from the shower tiles with Herculean power. Sunday is the day to deal with the weird feelings that you drank wine and scrubbed tile in order to avoid. And Monday is the day to process it all in therapy.

Tuesday thru Thursday are the days to be distracted with life.

Just for today, I can have weird feelings.