Can't I say anything about wanting community and love in my life without being condescended to like some pet hippy freak? Is our society so competitive that if you'd rather drink de-caf with your friends than wallpaper the town with your resume or headshot, you're automatically labeled some patronizing term for women with no boundaries. I'm all for unconditional love, but that doesn't mean that I don't want people to be a little afraid of me. I'm just tired of hiding my granola.

Just for today, I can stand up for myself when people condescend to my values.

While I try very hard to be super-fabulous super-conscious, recovered woman, I actually have many inner-people who need to be loved and honored just as much. My inner child is another, but she gets therapy once a week and lots of Boba coffee sugar bombshells, so she pretty much leaves me alone. However, there is also Inner-Hippy-Earthy-White-Chick who loves to tell anyone she meets about my urinary tract infections, IBS, and other internal physical processes (I'll try to contain her for the sake of this blog). I have repressed her for a long time because I was afraid if I let her out she would dirty up my apartment and stop shaving my armpits. But now I realize that she's cool, she just wants to hang out by the beach and stare at the waves every once in a while. Then there is my Inner-Big-Black-Woman who I repress cuz I'm afraid she might get me fired. But now I realize that she just wants to set boundaries with people who want to take advantage of my Inner-Child's and Inner-Hippy-Chick's cluessness.

Just for today, I can love all the people inside of me.

Deep down inside, I think, I'm a Hippy.

However, my friend Marco says that I can't be a Hippy because I'm phobic about dirt and obsessed with cleaning (he's seen me spray Windex in my face - accidentally - on more than one occasion, so he knows about this problem I have with compulsively cleaning things). So, I guess the only way I could ever be a real hippy (as defined by Marco) is if I have have a full-time maid to preserve the illusion that my existence and actions don't have consequences on the environment (i.e., dirty dishes, dust, etc.), which, while cool, doesn't really go with the Hippy vibe.

In truth (because I try to be truthful), a lot of people (all caucasians) that I have met who dress like they live on a $5 clothing budget and speak in a relaxed montone, actually have giant trust funds. Which not only makes me question the whole hippy movement in general (doesn't it cost money to chill out?) but begs the question, what constitutes a hippy? For me, it's about a strong peronal belief realness, freedom, love, and a deep acceptance of my humanity...which, FOR ME, just happens to include a need to control my environment with mops and sponges and Comet (due to emotional truama experienced in childhood by Clean Hippy parents).

Just for today, I can be a Clean Hippy.