tag:www.searchforsanity.com,2012://1 2012-01-21T22:32:02Z Movable Type 3.34 tag:www.searchforsanity.com,2012://1.1504 2012-01-20T19:12:44Z 2012-01-21T22:32:02Z

The woman who sits behind me at work loves to sing to 80's music. Not just listen to it. Sing to it. Out loud. At work. She's an eccentric designer, so it's tolerated. And I'm a fairly tolerant worker bee...but...

The woman who sits behind me at work loves to sing to 80's music. Not just listen to it. Sing to it. Out loud. At work. She's an eccentric designer, so it's tolerated. And I'm a fairly tolerant worker bee...but this...most of the songs make me feel queasy when played in their native fashion. Even Trader Joe's knows that 80's music is over. But now I just can't take it anymore. Here are some recent atrocities I have been subjected to: "You are an obsession...you're my obsession..." "One thing leads to an-na-nother..." "Urgent...urgent, urgent..." "Lying beside you, here in my arms..." Because I try to be kind and generous, I have thought about her life. I think she had a good time in the 80's. It was her decade. She was in love. Felt young and free. And now, somewhere in middle age land, all she has are some tunes that she's going to SING...DAMNIT! Just for today, I can listen to 80's music. tag:www.searchforsanity.com,2012://1.1503 2012-01-16T23:38:43Z 2012-01-17T06:15:44Z

Never realized how intrinsic plumbing is to happiness out here in Western Culture. My building manager told me to hang in there for a few days. Am I supposed to hold it for three days?! I'll just hijack the toilets...

Never realized how intrinsic plumbing is to happiness out here in Western Culture. My building manager told me to hang in there for a few days. Am I supposed to hold it for three days?! I'll just hijack the toilets of local restaurants...they won't mind. Other than that, 2012 feels good. Just for today, I am grateful for plumbing. tag:www.searchforsanity.com,2012://1.1502 2012-01-10T07:13:08Z 2012-01-12T06:16:13Z

...not the movie ("The Crazies"). Although, I might go dig it up on Netflix. I could use a poorly titled horror movie at this moment. I was even tempted to go see "The Devil Within." Stories about possessed people could...

...not the movie ("The Crazies"). Although, I might go dig it up on Netflix. I could use a poorly titled horror movie at this moment. I was even tempted to go see "The Devil Within." Stories about possessed people could surely speak to my personal struggles with PMS. Add a full moon to the mix and I could use an exorcism. Fortunately, I have a lot of chores. Just for today, I have the Crazies. tag:www.searchforsanity.com,2012://1.1497 2012-01-03T19:22:10Z 2012-01-04T07:42:26Z

I get it. Time passeth me by.... I spent the New Year weekend (after Saturday) allowing my hair to regain it's natural oil balance (i.e., no shower). It's great once you get past the homeless person phase. Unfortunately, I had...

I get it. Time passeth me by.... I spent the New Year weekend (after Saturday) allowing my hair to regain it's natural oil balance (i.e., no shower). It's great once you get past the homeless person phase. Unfortunately, I had to go to work today and, thus, introduced chemicals back into my hair. I went to a party on New Years where we wrote down what we wanted to let go of on biodegradable helium balloons and then released them to they sky. I wrote some really boring items to let go of on my card, like "Fear" and "Lack of faith." So unoriginal. Fortunately, the balloon I actually released contained a message I needed to hear, "Let go of negative self-talk and resentment." At midnight we let go of all the balloons and watched them fly up into the sky. It was beautiful. Just for today, I can release the old. tag:www.searchforsanity.com,2011://1.1494 2011-12-27T23:13:48Z 2012-01-04T02:44:18Z

Good thing TSA doesn't scan for corn husks. If so, the packet of frozen tamales my mom gave me would surely be gone. She also gave me a tin of homemade cookies. It doesn't matter how much I tell my...

Good thing TSA doesn't scan for corn husks. If so, the packet of frozen tamales my mom gave me would surely be gone. She also gave me a tin of homemade cookies. It doesn't matter how much I tell my mom that I don't eat sugar or flour (total lie) she will employ her CIA tactics to get me to ingest anything. (She didn't really work for the CIA...but she should). The process goes something like this: "Would you like a cookie?" she asks innocently. "No, thank you Mom. I'm trying to cut down on sugar." "Are you sure? I made them...." "Mom, sugar is a drug that leads to an addictive process," I reply. I attempt to educate her. "Oh, ok...But they have [INSERT DELICIOUS INGREDIENTS] in them." "No, Mom. I said I'm not eating sugar!" "Oh, Ok." Silent pause. [NOTE: This is part of her tactics]. "They also have [INSERT SOMETHING HEALTHY...EX. RAISINS]." "No, thank you." She eats one. "These came out really good." "Fine! I'll eat a cookie!" I tell myself that I have no choice while enjoying my [INSERT HIGH CALORIC DESERT] and that my metabolism processes food made from my mother faster while retaining more nutrition. And then I have three more. Just for today, I can eat my mom's cooking. tag:www.searchforsanity.com,2011://1.1492 2011-12-26T22:22:30Z 2011-12-27T22:49:41Z

Attention: Family....I love you, but you can stop sending me presents. I know you're just being generous to the younger generation, but I'm going to be 40. I swear, I won't feel slighted. Dad, in particularly, please...no more ethnic jewelry....

Attention: Family....I love you, but you can stop sending me presents. I know you're just being generous to the younger generation, but I'm going to be 40. I swear, I won't feel slighted. Dad, in particularly, please...no more ethnic jewelry. I don't know what to do with my arsenal of large, necklaces with big pendants from around the world. It's not that I don't find a necklace made from recycled coke bottles an inspiring gesture of ecological resourcefulness. But I don't wear large necklaces. Quite frankly, I don't have the rack for them. I'm monogamous with a silver chain. Just for today, I can speak my truth about gifts. tag:www.searchforsanity.com,2011://1.1491 2011-12-25T18:35:49Z 2011-12-26T07:06:56Z

My mother has an iron will. It could smooth the crease in my forehead (and I'm sure she'd oblige). Nothing will stop her from celebrating Christmas. Not even ten degree weather. I have to admire that kind of commitment. However,...

My mother has an iron will. It could smooth the crease in my forehead (and I'm sure she'd oblige). Nothing will stop her from celebrating Christmas. Not even ten degree weather. I have to admire that kind of commitment. However, for me (emphasis on the words, "FOR ME"...as in "NO JUDGEMENT HERE, JUST A DESIRE TO SIT IN THE WARM HOTEL AND DRINK A HOT ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGE") no Christmas display could possibly be worth becoming a human ice cube. The problems began when I didn't cop to this upfront. Life lesson from Christmas #39: Communication is paramount to personal happiness. I did enjoy mass, though. However, the church should fire their costume designer. The star costumes made the kids look like members of the KKK. Just for today, I can speak my truth on Christmas. tag:www.searchforsanity.com,2011://1.1490 2011-12-24T19:46:48Z 2011-12-26T06:26:41Z

After TSA legally robbed me of my silk infusion hair oil (I guess the agent had a case of winter frizz), and I got on the plane, I found myself sitting across the aisle from the actress who read the...

After TSA legally robbed me of my silk infusion hair oil (I guess the agent had a case of winter frizz), and I got on the plane, I found myself sitting across the aisle from the actress who read the lead in my play. We kept staring at each other casually until it began to feel like a Seinfeld episode. Neither one of us wanted to be the weirdo who asks, "Do I know you?" and then when the answer is "No" has to feel the embarrassment of having revealed the emotional tangents of her mind. The interaction inevitably leads the to some form of the thought "Are you that desperate for human connection?" (Uh...yes). Thank God the flight attendant came by and we were forced to look each other in the eye. She said she had initially noticed my New Yorker magazine and was jealous that I was reading something for my brain instead of a beauty magazine hell bent on terrorizing the reader into spending half her savings on treatments. Coincidentally (fortuitously, ironically, mysteriously...however you choose to file away such occurrences), I was working on the play that she read. I took the whole event as a sign. For what...I don't know. Just for today, I believe in a higher power. tag:www.searchforsanity.com,2011://1.1489 2011-12-22T18:10:29Z 2011-12-22T20:55:53Z

I think the holidays would be more fun if people gave gifts to people they never really see or talk to (and I don't mean relatives). And I don't mean strangers. I mean people we sort of bumped into for...

I think the holidays would be more fun if people gave gifts to people they never really see or talk to (and I don't mean relatives). And I don't mean strangers. I mean people we sort of bumped into for a period of time...at work or in zumba class, and exchanged a passing soulful conversation or survived a miserable job together. I bought my high school Spanish teacher a box of chocolates. This man inspired me like no other...although I'm not sure what he inspired me to do. I'm super lazy when it comes to Spanish (though my accent rocks). He once kicked me out of his class for being late, but that didn't help my life-long lateness problem...Mr. Schrump was just this very loud, very gay, opera singer, actor, compulsive smoker and punner who totally got me. He's probably pushing 80 now. Just for today, I feel aligned with the spirit of giving. tag:www.searchforsanity.com,2011://1.1487 2011-12-15T22:51:34Z 2011-12-19T19:21:56Z

...can lead to a holiday depression. It sort of sneaks up on you. One minute I'm enjoying my cream cheese frosted red velvet, and the next I've got black mascara dripping down my face . (Sidenote: cupcake baking is the...

...can lead to a holiday depression. It sort of sneaks up on you. One minute I'm enjoying my cream cheese frosted red velvet, and the next I've got black mascara dripping down my face . (Sidenote: cupcake baking is the business to be in. Ten cents to make, 2000% profit...why do I not have those business skeeels?!) I don't want to feel sorry for myself. All I'll say is that I almost killed my tree with my overheated apartment. Fortunately, I was able to resuscitate it with a my hedge clips and water. Poor thing. All it wanted was a temperate place to shine some X-mas spirit. Just for today, I can get through my holiday depression. tag:www.searchforsanity.com,2011://1.1486 2011-12-14T23:34:39Z 2011-12-19T19:49:52Z

I used to have this very bratty attitude about the holidays. Basically, it came down to something like this: Until everyone behaves how I would like them to, I refuse to enjoy presents, people, and amazing food. Occassionally, the sheer...

I used to have this very bratty attitude about the holidays. Basically, it came down to something like this: Until everyone behaves how I would like them to, I refuse to enjoy presents, people, and amazing food. Occassionally, the sheer goodness of festivity would cut through my resolve for misery. Ok, so the food my mom has made is delicious. Fine. I'm still mad about that comment about [insert gripe of the moment]. Ok, so it's nice to just chill out with friends and family, drink good wine, and forget about life's troubles. You think that's going to make up for my childhood? So juvenile. However, two holiday seasons in a row without employment have successfully kicked the last vestiges of that brat out of me. One of those was spent feeling sick and alone. I get it now. It's the freaking holidays! If you're not dead, enslaved, on the street, or being smacked around, enjoy...damnit! Just for today, I love the holidays. tag:www.searchforsanity.com,2011://1.1485 2011-12-12T21:56:27Z 2011-12-13T00:07:30Z

"Salsa is a sexy dance," says Guy I Just Met. "Yes. Yes, it is," I reply. "Have you noticed that?" "I'm sorry. I don't want to be rude, but I can't talk about salsa anymore. I spent two years writing...

"Salsa is a sexy dance," says Guy I Just Met. "Yes. Yes, it is," I reply. "Have you noticed that?" "I'm sorry. I don't want to be rude, but I can't talk about salsa anymore. I spent two years writing a book about this dance. I didn't publish it. (I'm getting around to it) The point is that I spent a lot of time thinking about this subject matter. So, I might not be the right person to talk about it with at a salsa club." And that is how I completely alienated a would be reader for my non-existent book. No wonder I'm not a celebrity. Just for today, I can learn to be less honest. tag:www.searchforsanity.com,2011://1.1484 2011-12-06T22:25:49Z 2011-12-08T04:31:40Z

My mom and I have been having the exact same conversation for twenty years. "How are you?" "Tired." "Are you taking vitamins?" "No. I can't swallow them. They make me want to puke." "Well, you can break them in half."...

My mom and I have been having the exact same conversation for twenty years. "How are you?" "Tired." "Are you taking vitamins?" "No. I can't swallow them. They make me want to puke." "Well, you can break them in half." These days the words are the same, but the inflection has reached a higher level of hysteria. "How are you?" "Tired." "Are you taking vitamins?" "No. I told you already. I CAN'T SWALLOW THEM. VITAMINS MAKE ME WANT TO PUKE!!!" "WELL, YOU CAN BREAK THEM IN HALF!!!" I know my mom loves me and only wants me to feel healthy. And so, I'm vowed to avoid the Vitamin Conversation. Next time she asks if I'm taking vitamins, I will respond with one of the followings: 1) "No, but I plan to see a nutritionist to take care of my anoemia." 2) "No, but I appreciate that you care about me so much." 3) "No, but I just bought a vitamins crusher...vitamins no longer have a hold over my gag reflex." Just for today, I love my mom. tag:www.searchforsanity.com,2011://1.1483 2011-12-04T20:51:48Z 2011-12-08T18:34:49Z

A few years after I first moved to Los Angeles, I began "performing" stand up comedy. To be honest, I don't know if you could call it comedy. More of a mix between poetry, performance art, and therapy. I think...

Maria Bamford, Jackie Kashian, Cynthia Levin, Judith Shelton, Alex Karova, Rena Zager and many more. But mostly all women showed me that women could be funny and feminine, rageful and sad, but more importantly, it was ok for a woman to speak into a mike. The men in the room wouldn't go running out the front door like someone had set the place on fire. They inspired me. Eventually, I hit the walls of my youthful bravado. After three years, I got seriously depressed. A lot of things contributed to my depression, like my grandmother's death and a general lostness...so I left on a mission to "become normal" through therapy. That never happened. I realize that weird people can be found in other walks of life beside comedy, like dentistry and insurance. Comics just let there weirdness out and, as a result, seem a lot less scary to me now. Three months ago I came out of retirement. see a lot of the same people and am happy to see how much stronger everyone has gotten. Stand up is about logging in hours on stage. However, what shocks me is how male dominated comedy the open mikes have become. Usually, I'm the only woman or one of two or three. What happened?! It sort of confirms my fears that women's progress has been going in reverse. Women want to be "hot," rather than express their souls. I feel sad for women who want to try to find their voice in that environment. I feel like I'm on the front lines of the feminist movement in 1965. I never thought I would return to this art form, but now I feel obligated to stay to pick up the slack. Just for today, I'm a comic.]]> tag:www.searchforsanity.com,2011://1.1481 2011-11-29T19:03:10Z 2011-12-05T18:59:54Z

Two executives discussing a current day adapatation of "Wonder Woman." "Wonder Woman - A movie about a hot Amazon woman in vinyl underwear who fights crime..." "Why does she have to fight crime?" "Not sure. Scratch that. Wonder Woman -...

Two executives discussing a current day adapatation of "Wonder Woman." "Wonder Woman - A movie about a hot Amazon woman in vinyl underwear who fights crime..." "Why does she have to fight crime?" "Not sure. Scratch that. Wonder Woman - A movie about an Amazon womn in vinyl underwear who hangs out..." "Does she need to be called 'Wonder Woman?' Sounds a little threatening...How about Hot Woman?" "Ok, Hot Woman - a show about a woman who wears a vinyl costume." "Does she have to be called 'Woman?' That sounds kind of old..." "Ok, it's a show called 'Hot Girl' about a girl wearing a vinyl costume." "Why is she wearing a vinyl costume? Won't she seem delusional?" "Hmmmmm, another good point. Maybe she's an S&M worker at night, and an executive by day." "Hot Girl: High powered S&M girl." "Love it." Just for today, I wish "Wonder Woman" would make it to the big (or little) screen.