I can't go to yoga. Whatever satisfaction I got out of parastariyasanashamalamadingdong has gone the way of my threadbare lululemon yoga pants. In order to live in this Titanic-style economy I need something stronger. The musicians haven't stopped playing, but we are definitely not horizontal.

Ever since I joined the x-country team in high school, I understood why people run, swim, or bike long distances. Repetitive motion releases aggression. Sure, punching someone in the face would be a lot more immediate (and gratifying), but how would I tone my arms?

My knees rebelled against running, my ghetto-ass bike finally died (for now), so all I'm left with is a body of water and some competitive out of shape guys to try to keep up with. I would never have thought this, but there are serious rules to swimming in lanes. God help you if you disrupt someone's "rhythm." And when I say "someone" I mean me.

Yesterday, I found myself in the "fast" lane with a young out of shape guy who did not appreciate my passing him. He and I almost went to blows in the underwater world of passing lanes. However, I emerged from the pool a civilized woman once more (I think).

Just for today, I'm staying sane.