"You can light candles for me at church, but you can't set me up with any more sons of people you meet on cruises."

"You're not open minded!"

"Stop yelling."

"I'm not yelling!"

"You have a yelling tone."

"Well, a 'yelling tone' is not yelling...."

"I appreciate the candles."

"My friends are lighting candles, too."

"There are probably more worthy causes of a candle vigil than my single status."

This lighting candles stuff is no joke. It works. My grandmother started it. I think she might have belonged to some Secret Candle Powers Society that disguised their practice as Catholic faith. Seriously, if everyone lit candles for the middle class we might have public health care, keep union workers' rights, and heal the spiritual corruption on Wall Street.

At this point in time she could burn down a barn with the amount of candles she's lit for me.

Just for today, I love my mom.