Before I hit the over 35 demographic, I never bought into the idea of "assholeness" as a probable cause for human behavior. I thought people who called other people "assholes" were speaking from subjective experience. That may be the case, but I have since realized that The Asshole Factor is as a complete reason for human behavior, as hunger or need to procreate.

It's been suggested to me that I create an Asshole File, if only in my mind. This file will save me the time and energy otherwise expended in my "Why would somebody do that? say that? be that?!" emotional response of outrage. Simple. Open file. Insert Asshole Document. Go along with my day.

SUVs who take up two parking spaces? Assholes.

Guys who call and express interest but pretend you're a passing acquaintance in public? Assholes.

It's a condition, really, like toe fungus. You can treat it. But first you have to accept that your toe nail falling off isn't in the natural order of your body's processes. Anyone with Assholeitis is free to acknowledge the problem and treat it appropriately with lots of therapy, hugs, and chocolate.

Just for today, I can create an Asshole File.