Last night, in an effort to further decompress from my compulsively over-busy, over-extended and over-salsified lifestyle, as well as to bond with La Familia, I saw Twilight with two of my aunts and my 13-year-old cousin. She had already seen it once and while admitting that it was "pretty stupid," but had no problem sitting through it again. I was never one to let bad acting keep me away from charming, HOT guys, forget about a vampire. Talk about the perfect bad boy! Talk about unavailable! You don't get much more unavailable than an immortal consumer of human flesh. Needless to say, Edward Cullen is my kind of guy. Yes, as a movie it held together with the same consistency that cotton candy stays on that paper holder. However, I would judge it more harshly if it weren't for the conversation that ensued between my aunt and I in the lobby afterwards:

"Do you think vampires are real?" I asked my aunt.

"Oh, absolutely! I've seen them in Romania."

"Really?!

"Oh, yes!"

"What do they look like? Are they really pale? Do they have fangs? Are they integrated into the society, or do they keep to themselves? Have you talked to any of them? Are they usually pretty hot?

I even started to consider fossilizing myself at 36 (I would have done it sooner had I known), by putting an ad out for a hot vampire to bite me (because according to Twilight that's how you become a vampire). I don't know what payment I could offer him (I want a guy vampire), as money doesn't hold much weight to immortals who don't eat food...but, truth be told, I really hadn't thought that far ahead.

"Of course there's no such thing as vampires...!" she threw down.

What?! Disappointment. I went through the five stages of grief in the next few moments, and saw the world shrink back another dimension.

Oh, well. Back to Plan B.

Just for today, I can consider becoming a vampire.