I went to a party last night. I wasn't really in the mood to socialize because I was feeling a little unfabulous. But since I'm single and must appease the Gods of Youth and Fun (as well as meet potential relationship prospects), I dragged my friend and my ass across town to the 323 area code (I may as well have been flying to China). I also needed somewhere to wear one of my fabulous new sundresses. If there is ever a place to wear a sundress, it's in Silver Lake in the summer (I could wear them to work, but I'd freeze under the air conditioning).

So there I was riding on the energy of my fabulous sundress from H & M (this store, by the way, is the perfect ice breaker topic with any woman in the Western world), but not quite feelin' the magic, when I meet the Perfect Couple. Mind you, most people in a relationship without any overt signs of abuse seem like the Perfect Couple to me. I keep meeeting these people lately and they generally annoy me with their understated, loving connection. But what made this couple seem MORE perfect is that the female portion of it had the career that my mother would KILL for me to have (fortunatley, she hasn't killed anyone, yet). So, there I was in my H & M sundress talking to the Perfect Couple Female Half Who Has the Life I Was Supposed to Have (or thought I was supposed to have) and writhing with jealousy and envy (what's the difference, really?) in Silver Lake on a hot summer night...this is why I don't go out. This is why I also lived in under a rock for so many years.

I consoled myself with some chocolate ice cream and a lovely fruit cake (a veritable Kiwi and strawberry work of art) that I waited around for someone else to destroy (who wants to be the person to cut the lovely fruit cake?) before I had the epiphany or realization or awareness, or whatever you want to call it, that maybe...just maybe, I was not living the Perfect Couple Lady's life for a reason...as fabulous as her life looks, it's not mine. Weirdness ensued.

Maybe I never wanted that career, maybe there is no such thing as the Perfect Couple...maybe it's all a giant mind-fuck whose purpose is to obliterate all sparks of confidence...A giant paradigm shift followed and a large trunk of baggage got dropped off in Pheonix (I know this is a weird metaphor, but I'm just going to go with it).

Just for today, I can be social.