OK, I'm annoyed. I'm sorry, but I'm just not jiving with the super serious Oscar vibe. I mean, could we lighten it up even a little? The death penalty, forbidden gay male love, racism, McCarthyism, and terrorism...where's the fun? Where's the laughter?

OK, I'll admit that I haven't seen any of these movies, but geez I spend enough time feeling blue as it is. I'll have to double book my therapy session so I can be in the know on Oscar night. (By the way, my favorite movie of the year was "The Weatherman," and my question is, was I the only one who saw it?).

And one more thing, while I'm in bitter mode, for the past ten years every woman who has won the best actress award has had model-like beauty. (Don't even get me started on 1998 when Gwyneth won over Meryl Streep, Cate Blanchett, Fernanda Montenegra and Emily Watson...that was like a slap in the face to all actresses willing to take a risk and reveal their souls...). Not that some of these women can't act, but I'd just like to loosen the credentials in the beauty department. I grew up watching women like Meryl Streep, Sissy Spaceck, Jodie Foster, Kathy Bates win awards. Not that they aren't beautiful, but not in the oppressive American way.

So, there you have it. I'm annoyed.

Just for today, I can vent on the Oscar nominations.

As you can well imagine, Los Angeles is a big city. However, once in a great while there comes a day where everywhere I go I run into someone I know. Why today? What magenetic vibes was I sending out?

Today, it wasn't just people I know, but people I have known from years past. People seemed to come out of pavement to stand before me like time has stood still. It's sort of like running into people from high school, except it was the guy you spoke to at that party on the roof of that building nine years ago who also happened to be in a play with your other friend...there's no clear discernible connection. I have to wonder if there isn't some kind of forcefield that bands certain enclaves of people together. Like, maybe we were all giraffes in Africa in a past life...

Just for today, I feel like I know a lot of people.

I was just writing in a coffee shop where a young woman was playing a video game with head phones and screaming when she...I don't know...couldn't kill the elves or whatever they were. Anyway, I wish I could be such a screaming fool. Yelling my head off in a coffee shop while people are trying to write and talk. Just irritate the hell out of people without a care in the world.

Just for today, I'm seriously annoyed.

If you really want to test your stamina to tolerate extreme anxiety, try living without any source of steady income. Fun. Serious surrender to the universe.

What I have learned since leaving my job for the godforsaken world of freelancing (almost one year ago) is the following:

1) It's a good thing I happen to like babysitting (it's like renting kids and getting paid for it).

2) A good 9 to 5 job can really fill up a life. Conversely, not having the structure of a full-time job can be psychologically exhausting. When does work end and life begin?

3) Good vibes are more important than good contacts.

4) Trader Joe's is best at 9:00 am on weekdays (the aisles are clear, the food freshly stocked, and nobody's hogging the sample station...except possibly me).

5) Is that all I've learned?

Just for today, I surrender to the freelance universe.

Let's just say that some frozen food has a life span. I think someone once described it as food that "snaps back at you."

Just for today, I can listen to my digestive system.

Not by any individual guy, but the whole organization! I'm apparently in the top 20% of people they can't find matches for!

Despite a total distaste for Internet dating, I fiilled out the extraordinarily long questionnaire out of curiousity and I guess the universe rewarded me with an appropriate rejection. The little experience I've had dating on the Internet (over three years ago) was tedious at best, and just plain wrong at worst. In general, dating has been fun because there's an actual reason why I'm out with a particular guy. Even if we don't end up interested in pursuing a relationship, I usually have fun. Internet dating is not fun. It's like kissing that distant relative when you're ten: it's forced, unnatural, and sometimes creepy. I'm very wary of any relationship that grows out of absolutely no social context (I, clearly, don't consider an Internet dating site to be a social context). It's one thing to spew my innermost thoughts to total strangers (though, I have gathered that most of my audience consists of my family and friends - Hi, Mom! - but let's just pretend I have a wider readership for the sake of this rant...), but another thing to go out and date them!

So, the fascist Christians told me that I'm in the top 20% of people that they can't find matches for. Why? Presumably, we (this 20%) are deemed social outcasts due to our wavering emotional health that has yet to find the uplifting hope of Christianity. They don't exactly say that, but it's what I gathered from my research. I wonder if the fact that I identified myself as a Latina who is open to dating black men had anything to do with it (it is like 90% caucasian).

Just for today, I can meet my dating prospects in the real world.

Without naming names, I have to say that there genuinely ARE assholes in this world. And the problem is that they are in the world AROUND ME. And just because I try to take the high road and keep the focus "on myself," does not mean that asshole behavior doesn't live and breathe. While in general, I try to see the best in everyone and I try to embrace the child of God that is in us all, even in people like Jeffrey Dalmer and Dick Cheney, there comes a point where such tolerance is kind of inane.

And another thing, if I run five blocks in three-inch heels with five quarters clutched in my hand, I think writing that ticket constitutes this behavior of which I speak.

Just for today, I'm kind of pissed at the assholes in this world.

I just had a moment where I realized that for the rest of my life I'm going to have to deal with the impermanence of life. Until the end of my days I'm going to have to vacuum, change my oil (not to mention my car's), manage my eyebrows, buy a new plastic curtain in the shower (those things don't last long), keep up with technology, go to the dentist, etc...all in the name of freedom. What a pain.

Just for today, I wouldn't mind being institutionalized.

It started out as a rudimentary cleaning out of 2005 receipts and bills, and became a full-on decluttering frenzy, the kind you have to run with when the spirit moves you because it only happens once every few years. Sure, my apartment looks organized and spotless on the outside, but all you have to do open up a drawar to see the last 33 years of my life explode onto in all of it's 80's, 90's, and 00' splendor. Despite my wanting to believe that I am above the obsessiveness of the average American consumer, my decluttering session has taught me that I am indeed a magnet for useless crap and other odds and ends that I have either purchased or that was given to me by some of my many relatives and friends (who, no doubt, love me and whose generosity is not to blame for the way I store my belongings).

To my own surprise and chagrin, I own the following:

1) A giant case of eyeshadow (when and how I came to obtain this, I couldn't tell you...but all I can say is that I there was no need to purchase eye shadow back in November).
2) Enough emory boards to supply the Vietnamese owned nail salon down the street for a month (I dated a lawyer who tried a case for an emory board manufacturing company. The relationship didn't last, but my supply of nail filers did...it was four years ago!)
3) About five cute little cloth bags for jewelry and four little boxes filled with earrings (what can I say? I am loved by people who like to buy me earrings that may or may not match my tastes...What are my options? Re-gift? Or hope my tastes change? I think I'm headed towards a garage sale...)
4) Five packets of incense (these were all given to me as gifts...is this a hint? Does my apartment smelll?).
5) One scary jewelry box that I'm afraid to open because it's the land of lost earrings from high school till college (I vow to someday take everything in there and create an art project dedicated to the beauty of the lost pair of an earring...I suppose it's some kind of metaphor about singlehood, but I'll wait till it's finished to figure it out).
6) About 4,345 books of matches (I don't smoke, so how I collect books of matches is a true mystery...)
7) 40 extra Christmas lights.
8) Five chapsticks or lipsticks.
9) Five hair clips, three head bands, and two 1950's style hair rollers that belonged to my grandmother.
10) Five samples of hair gels and shampoos that I picked up and never actually sampled (is this fun or what?).
11) Three sets of forks and napkin that came with take-out (I saved them for lunch, but unfortunately in the wrong drawar).
12) A miniature bottle of tabasco sauce and Fanta drink that once were attached to magnets.
13) Two pairs of Sally Jessie Raphael style glasses from high school (WHAT was I thinking?!)
14) And lots and lots of little paper clips, nails, and pins!

Boy, I'm really glad that's out of my system. Is it really 2006?

Just for today, I can declutter.

I spent the New Year in Mexico recovering from the worst flu of my life and desperately trying to breathe in the relaxed vibe that is Mexico. Mexican culture is so chill. Everyone from the taxi driver to the guy cleaning the floor outside our condo seems to have more peace than the average American. Coming back to the United States from Mexico is like pressing the fast forward button. No sooner did I arrive back into Los Angeles 2006, than I received tickets to a self-help weekend seminar (cult #429). It has something to do with how to attain wealth and power. The tickets have a picture of an eyeball mirroring money next to a guy walking on dollar bills. The website also mentions something about meaningful relationships (I guess they thought they'd throw that in)...I was thinking about not going, but then I thought of the material I'd be misssing...

Just for today, I appreciate American culture.