I exploded a snack pack of carrots and ranch dressing all over my car today. It happened just after I burst into an orgy of tears. It was a moment in time when I thought that, surely, there is no God. It was then that my cell phone rang. As I struggled to drive, cry, and find my cell phone, I kept coming across clumps of ranch dressing all over; on the steering wheel, my phone, pants, dash board (there was quite a bit of ranch dressing stuffed into that snack pack.) I think for a minute I forgot I was driving. My mom was on the line and as I tried to talk to her through my ranch dressing tears she kept saying, "Pull over! Pull over!" As I wiped ranch dressing off my face I kept telling her, "I'm almost there!" (which was a total lie). How I did not get into an accident is proof that there must be some kind of God.

I told the story to my friend Nancy and she told me about the time her diet Pepsi fell on the floor in her husband's office and got punctured, prompting it to turn into a Pepsi sprinkler system on hyper-drive. There are still Pepsi dots on the ceiling.

Just for today, I accept and embrace the joy and discomfort of humanity.