HBO and Itunes are my new best friends. They are always there for me when I need some support and they don't mind if I call too late. I was wide awake last night trying to find something to keep me company while I became one with the night willys. I tried watching some weird documentary about prostitutes who think they're empowered, when I came across the film (and it is a film) Bull Durham. I ate up this 80's soul food like a starving woman at the Costco sausage sample station. Crash Davis is an aging baseball player with the dubious honor of hitting the most home runs in the minor leagues, and Annie Savory is a parishioner in the church of baseball and a woman terrified of any relationship where her sexuality isn't a card she can wield at any time during her seasonal relationships with the latest young rookie. Both are a little romantic, a little bitter and have been cosmically elected to groom the simple Nuke LaLoosh, both mentally and spiritually, to become the next Big League star. Both have essentially knocked out of the game of life, but are desperately hanging onto scraps of their ego; Crash to baseball, and Annie to her feminine wiles. Through Nuke they see the emptiness of their paradigms and are finally able to let of the idea that such a thing as winners or losers even exist.

At 2:00 in the morning I turned off the TV and realized that my whole life is before me if only I can let go of any of my ideas of what it's supposed to be. As long as I'm healthy, I've arrived. No relationship, career, accolade, or purse (I really need a new purse), can give me that feeling if I don't believe it.

Just for today, I am grateful for my cable (actually, I just realized that I ONLY have HBO...will call tomorrow).