So, I had a meeting with a very imposing Urologist who probably got paid a lot of money (via my health insurance) to look at my urine and then tell me to stay away from alcohol, caffeine, and spicey food. Well, I knew THAT. I came because I thought he might have something else. But, no, all he did was add chocolate to the list (as if things couldn't get worse) and gave me a urologist's version of "this is for reals" lecture. I walked out with my tail between my legs (as Steve Martin once clarified...I don't really have a tail) and cried as I walked to my car over the loss of my good friends Chai Soy Latte and De-caf Sugar-free Mocha. How I'm expected to work and earn money without caffeine, is beyond me, but if that's what it takes for me to not blab about my bladder to every other person I meet, then so be it.

However, before he let me trudge out of the office he did mention that eating a bran muffin every day would keep me regular. While we're on the subject of constipation and regularity (were we on the subject? Oh, sorry, that was someone else...but anyway), I might add that Mr. Urologist was not messing around with this recommendation. Bran. Muffin. These two words made the trip to his office worth every humiliating moment. If you're serious about making your visits to the throne comfortable I can't say enough about bran muffins. And I've tried every mysterious fibrous colon cleansing substance on the West Side of Los Angeles (have you seen the colon shelf at Whole Foods?! The colon is some serious business)! Forget the flax seed mixtures or the metamusil. Bran Muffin. My work is done.

Just for today, God bless my urologist.