I went to the health food store looking for Motrin and the woman looked at me like I had asked for a bag of Doritos and said, "We don't sell Motrin here, but Magnesium is a natural muscle relaxer." I started to go into a shame spiral over my monthly addiction to ibuprofrin, but then I thought "this is my period we're talking about, here." This is the thing that descended upon me at ELEVEN YEARS OF AGE that was accompanied with brutal knife-like cramps that have never gone away. And like Superman flying out of the telephone booth, I busted out of my shame-spiral with my Super Period Survivor Spirit and said, "Uh-Uh." Nope. I'm not messing around. Sure, I'll buy your tampons and skin cream, and maybe I'll plunk down $20 for some vitamins and tell myself I'm being healthy, but when it comes to my monthly friend, I'm not taking any chances; those orange pills are the only thing that can tame the uterus that is mine (it's the uterus right? Note to self: study female anatomy...).

She gave me a "whatever" look and I bolted to the nearest liquor store to find my drug of choice (which used to be coffee...but now I've been relegated to motrin...is that OK Mr. Urologist?).

Just for today, I'm grateful for western medicine.