First stock up on pretend healthy low fat foods. For example, blue corn chips and salsa, pistachios, and, my favorite, dairy-free ice cream sandwiches from Trader Joe's (Cuties...and they are). Then get a high-speed cable internet connection that will allow you to quickly entertain any curiousity that flies through the Useless Information Synapses of your brain. For example, what are the lyrics to SoHo's "Hippy Chick?" What was the actor's name who played Long Duck Dong in "Sixteen Candles? (Gedde Watanabe)" Make sure to surf the Internet looking for only totally irrelevant information that couldn't possibly help your life outside of scoring points at the next Cranium Party. Next, check your bank account and fret for approximately 45 minutes. At this point, take a break and journey to the refrigerator for some pistachios. Upon return, find a celebrity in crisis and read up on her/his life (a celebrity who has just published a book about his/her traumatic childhood will do just as well). This will allow for some perspective and will eat up more time that could be spent writing.

Please feel free to add any suggestions. I'm not a pro at it yet, but I have to say, I'm pretty good.

Just for today, I have skills.