I saw this acting guru speak last week who coaches Leonardo DiCaprio and Hilary Swank. I furiously took notes on everything he said as if her were the second coming (close enough). I especially liked how he said actors should all be in therapy. That made me feel hopeful because God knows, I've been doing that! He also spoke about "doing your art" irregardless (not a word) of your life circumstances or whatever pain you're in. He said that Lena Horne got up and sang the year that she lost her father, son, and husband. If she could do it, then so could anyone. Thanks, for the comparison.

I've been so heartbroken the last few days that the idea of pursuing my "art" seems ludicrous. I'm too busy running like mad from the pain of the food processor my heart just went through (if you don't like metaphor, perhaps a meat grinder? boat propeller?...it's not going to sound attractive, cuz it's not). Compared to Lena I'm feeling self-indulgent But was she really a "great" performing artist, or was she just running from the pain by doing the thing that always brought her joy and love. Or maybe I like to sit and wallow and think of every excuse I can to not be a grown-up.

Just for today, I aspire to be like Lena.