Watching that much (7-8 hours) of Sex and the City really drummed into my
head how much pressure Society puts on women to get married. It's such a
big deal for a woman in her thirties to be unmarried that it's worthy of six
whole seasons!

There's a line in the fourth season when Carrie is engaged to Aidan and she's telling everyone about her fears and doubts and Charlotte tells Carrie that all brides-to-be feel scared, and Carrie says, "why don't they speak up?"

It made me realize that none of my friends who are married ever expressed any fears or doubts about marriage. And that's kind of scary to me. (So are "perfect" relationships where no one argues, those are really scary...) Just like it's OK for men to be competitive or ambitious, it's OK for them to show fear of commitment...but the women I know act like it's an afront to their choice of partners, to not seem wildly happy (and maybe it is). It's scary because it's all going to hit the fan once the placenta hits the floor and they are overwhelmed with post-partum depression (otherwise known as, Not Getting Out Any Time Soon). Not me. I'd rather have mild depression along the way. That way I know it's real life. But my friends insist on being happy. I guess they aren't as comfortable with an outward display of bitterness as I am. It's probably not very ladylike. I have dated a few men who would find it more attractive if I didn't feel the need to express myself quite so much. And I do fear sometimes that my having an active mind whose thoughts I can't stop myself from communicating, automatically disqualified me from more than one marriage pools (and much polite society...hence the blog...but I digress again!)

The truth is, for many years, pregnant women made me nauseated, weddings gave me IBS (sans an open bar), and women with toddlers looked like they may as well be behind bars. Now it all looks vaguely tolerable. I've got a little further to go to get to desirable. And that's the troof. Thank you S.I.T.C. Without your wonderful episodes I wouldn't be so conscious of how programmed I am by this country led by white Christian freaks! Thank you Samantha for showing me how repressed I am! Thank you Miranda for being a great mirror to my bitterness! Thanks Carrie for being one of the only other women I know who expresses ambivalence about marriage! Thanks Charlotte for showing me how empty the marriage fantasy is (though I pretty much already knew).

Thank God for the gay men who created Sex and the City...(I know there were wonderful women writers on the show, but it does seem that penises and creative control go hand in hand - so to speak).

Just for today, I am grateful for Sex and the City.