Many years ago (when I was more clueless and far less fabulous) I asked an older married woman if it was alright that I never offered to foot the bill on dates. She looked at me with compassionate condescension and said, "Kiddo, that's a date. A date is as follows: he asks you out and he pays." And then she went off about flying on a Concorde and other fabulousness that I hope to one day experience before I'm married or too squishy to make any kind of dating seem glamorous (though like Gloria Steinem, I plan to be sexy till I hit 70...at which point I say enough is enough!). Anyway, this woman was happy to support my habit of mooching off poor schlubs who asked me out thinking they might get some play (more on that later).

A few years ago, my aunt, who is a self-made millionaire and who never married or had children, and who goes helicopter skiing after work, found my whole dating philosophy bizarre and foreign, and ultimately, irrelevant. "Why don't you just split it 50/50, or whoever makes more money pays a little more?" Another valid point.

OK, enter me, age 32. At some point in time, I hope to see my body enter a process of distortion and uncontrollable growth known as pregnancy. After the lucky suckers come sloshing out of me (forever distorting my vagina), I vow to work with mind, body and soul to be the best madre humanly possible. Due to advances in self-esteem, I know I will be. Therefore, in exchange for an invitation by an eligible Hombre to coffee, a meal, or ticket for passage on glamorous modes of transport, I will consider the possibility of bearing his child. I do this without guilt or self-doubt or great philosophical questioning of feminism and the state of contemporary women's roles (note to self: research stats on salaries of female CEOs)...because I know that unless there are GIANT leaps in biotechnology, my children will be sloshing out of MY VAGINA and not HIS VAGINA.

If such advances emerge, I vow to restructure dating plan.

Just for today, I feel secure in the logic detailing my dating boundaries.