The good thing about remaining forever clueless about relationships (i.e., single) is that I can safely stand in judgment of all relationships and annoy my married friends with my little theories founded on irritating self-help books on dating and relationship. Even though I am convinced that these books are written by a bunch of silly sillies who secretly wish they could write Dr. Seuss-style poetry about blue fish and androgynous beings with big feet, but have settled for dissertations on "I feel" statements in faithless resignation, I read them in the hopes of finding a full-proof way to find a relationship that doesn't require me to freeze-frame myself (cuz that's tiring).

Some of these books seem to side with Pat Benatar's 80's hit "Love is a Battlefield." Those books contend that we are destined to find someone who matches our own drama like a lock and key, so we can "work through our issues", and if you happened to be raised by the anti-christ...well, then that's a bummer. Then there is the school of "Calling in The One" which says that we can actually find "The One" with whom love will be a towering blossom of peace and tranquility, and the reason you haven't found it yet is because you're not yet a towering blossom of peace and tranquility yourself.

None of these books say that I'll manifest a relationship by eating lots of red vines while watching Shrek II, but I'm keeping the faith...

Just for today, I accept my cluelessness about relationships.