Despite sustained effort, I have failed again and again at predicting my future. Whether good or bad, life never turns out the way I expect it to. This is fine when you're young, but it's not working for me anymore. How am I supposed to make any decisions if I don't know how things are going to turn out? How am I supposed to plan? I can't deal with any more uncertainties or mistakes. What if I fall in love and marry someone and have kids and then, a few years down the road, it doesn't work out? What then? (My parents were in this situation and I can tell you from first-hand experience that it blows.) What if I decide that I want to move to Nigeria and open up a gift shop? Or decide that I want to convert to Judaism? Or take a vow of life-long silence? Anything could happen. Just for today, I refuse to accept that the future is unknown. (Even if I still don't know it...where are the irritating psychics when you need them?).



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