I'm very grateful that my therapist doesn't confine herself to traditional therapy modalties like Gestalt or Freudian techniques, but is open minded to other explanations for my issues. For instance, when I talk about feeling unable to make a decision about my life, she'll remind me that Pisces personality will often "go with the tide." Or, when I am having an issue with someone in my life she'll remind me that I could be working out a relationship from a past life. It's nice to have a therapist with an open mind.

I don't think I can deal with the three month dating process. Who invented this timeline anyway? I don't remember Jesus espousing any rules about dating. Did Ghandi ever proclaim the importance of acting like an "egg" on the first date? Was there a Martin Luther King speech about making a list of the right qualities. My friend Linda reads all these books about dating and goes to Pat Allen seminars (where she learned how to be an egg.) I don't think I can hide my true self for three whole months or act like an inanimate object. It's just too much dang work. Just for today, I'm going to stop reading those books and just be myself.

What is this marvel of creation? What is this alternate reality? Can there really be a store that sells the EXACT SAME PRODUCTS as Von's or Ralph's or Gelsons, FOR THE EXACT SAME PRICE? It's like I have been blind for my entire life and suddenly had a surgery performed that brought my vision back. Little had I known when I shopped for candles, or paper towels, or Heinz ketchup at the local chain grocery store or (dare I say) Target, that I could find the EXACT SAME PRODUCTS for under a dollar. Why don't I just burn a pile of money? I know you might say, that some of the expiration dates on certain food items are coming up....but they aren't completely expired. And maybe I did have to wait in line for 25 minutes while a congregation of old ladies bought hundreds of party favors for a baptism. The point is that everything in the store is under a dollar. There is no denying that, just for today, we live in an abundant universe.

Hugs are far more important to human health than most people admit. Infants will die without human touch, even if their other needs are taken care of. According to one study, humans need at least ten hugs a day. When I read this, I realized that I have been depriving myself of hugs. I average only five or six hugs a week. Perhaps if I lived with someone, this number would go up. I guess if the situation ever becomes dire, I could knock on the door of my neighbors and ask them for a hug contribution. Just for today, I can raise my hug quota.

My therapist and I both agree that I have too many new ideas. At this rate, I'll never manifest any sort of career. I am like an idea machine; every minute I have a new idea. My inspiration generally comes when I face the tedious logistical part of my current venture. Suddenly, writing a novel doesn't seem quite so much fun or exciting. In fact, it seems like a bad idea or not "God's Will." I am afraid that I am a "vision addict." One of those people who have a new visionary idea every week. The only solution is total abstinence from any visions or ideas. Just for today, I can have no ideas.

In the dating process, slowly but surely, each of our weirdnesses get exposed - whether by accident or on purpose. In the past I was a big fan of the "blurt it all out on the first date" technique. This saved me the pain of waiting three weeks to realize that some aspect of my personality was incompatible with said suitor, or, in other words, freaked him out. (Do you really want a long-term relationship with somebody who liked hearing about your menstrual cramps on the first date? More on that later.) However, just for today, I can reveal my peculiarities in tiny increments, this way I may actually come across as normal. For instance, if I am going to inform someone about my interest in listening to people who chanel spirits from beyond, I can couch it between two presumably normal aspects of my personality, such as, my interest in learning to scuba diving and my cuisinart recipes. I can talk about my Psychic Sponsor, while discussing Al Green and Friendster. Just for today, I can reveal my weirdness gradually.

Just for today, I don't have to be concerned about who is reading this blog and what they may or may not think of me based on my entries. It's OK to write about dating and relationships and dysfunctional families. And if, by chance, people who know me should come on to the site and read my blog and then ask me "How much of this is autiobiographical?," I can just say the truth, which is, that this is a complete work of fiction.

All the dating books say that it takes three months to "really" get to know somebody. So, if you find someone that you think you're interested, you'd better learn to sit tight and hang out in the unknown for three long excruciating month. It's sort of like a three-month auditioning process where you're not sure if you're the casting director or the actor. You may think you're the one making the cuts, and then suddenly you've been told "don't call us, we'll call you." Just for today, I can withstand the agony of dating.

Do I really need to wait for my soul mate? This question is the single most plaguing, most tormenting question in the dating world. All the books written by married people say that you just can't know anybody for the first three months. But if someone is my soul mate, doesn't that, by definition, mean that I know him already? I know that I've met at least two soul mates in my life, and, yet, I still haven't found a committed relationship. My first soul mate I met when I was 12, right before he went into Juvenile Hall for selling pot and throwing a desk on a teacher. My most recent soul mate is currently in Paris with his new girlfriend. As far as I'm concerned, soul mates haven't really enriched my life so much as given me reason to lament. The only thing that keeps me looking for my soul mate is my worry that I wouldn't be able to stick out a long-term relationship with anybody else. Just for today, I can hold out for my soul mate.

My psychic friend Lucinda gave me a reading last night about my relationships. She told me that none of my recent relatioships were or are my soul mates. She does see me with my soul mate who apparently is a slob and turns to me for emotional support so he can go out in the world and be a big shot. I tried to explain to her that she must be getting the past, because if that's my future, I really don't want anything to do with it. Last thing I need is to be chained to some guy who needs to be picked up after and who will suck me dry emotionally. Hey, if I had emotional support to give I would be giving it to myself. Who cares how much money this guy makes or prestige he has in the world. I'm not interested in sleeping with a resume. I guess it's my fault for asking her in the first place. Just for today, I can ignore psychic readings.

On days when I need inspiration, I like to turn to my friend Mike. He's always there for me with a clever, powerful, and inspiring saying or quote. On days like today, when I am looking for a job and am having trouble finding one, I like to ask him for advise. Today he took me to get some coffee and said, "Stella, if you throw enough shit on the wall, something is bound to stick." I wrote down that statement and thought about it before I went to bed last night. Sometimes we just need inspiration to get us through the day.

Different societies and people have many different views and attitudes towards sex. Some people think sex is dangerous and results in punishing circumstances. Other people think it's a great blessing and believe it's healthy to constantly engage in sexual acts. Just for today, I have no idea where I stand on this. I have gotten very hurt in relationships where very little, if any, sexual activity took place, and I have cavalierly ended relationships that were highly sexual. However, I am as susceptible to sexual jealousy as anyone else. I think like everything else I have to turn my sex life over to my higher power...I guess.

If I hear one more person talk about "God's Will" vs. "My Will" in a meeting, I think I'm going to lose it. What kind of God wants us to have a completely different life than the one we want for ourselves? That doesn't sound like God, but a sadistic parent. I think a lot of people like to torment themselves or make themselves feel better by pretending that they don't really want a great life, a great love relationship, lots of money and a fabulous career. Life is so much easier when we don't try to go after the things we want. Except for the nagging voice of our inner child crying for release, we're really fine with whatever crap life brings us. No thanks! I'm through with any God who wants me to have a mediocre life. Just for today, I'm tired of God's Will.

So many people are desperately searching for love. Fortunately for me I have several miserable past relationships to reflect upon whenever I begin to feel like the only single person in the world. At those times I can realize that being single is infinitely better than being enmeshed in a sexless co-dependent relationship. If it weren't for the time spent in such relationships, I would never know the joy of being single. Just for today, I can be grateful for my extensive history of dysfunctional relationships.

My latest self-help book has introduced me to the concept of my "Inner Adult." I always knew I had an "Inner Child" and that sometimes I ignored her. However, I now realize that it wasn't ME ignoring her, but my absent "Inner Adult." My "Inner Adult" is often romping around working to get approval from other people so as to satiate my "Ego, while my "Inner Child" remains feeling abandoned and alone. However, my "Higher Power" can keep us all from going astray, by telling my "Ego" to get a grip and reminding my "Inner Adult" to be loving and gentle with my "Inner Child." Just when I'm feeling really crowded, my "Inner Critic" always steps in and tells everyone that their doing it wrong. In which case everyone gangs up on "Inner Critic" who I also call "Martha" and for about five seconds were all bonded by a common resentment. Just for today, I can listen to all the voices in my head.

I am over the hump of extreme grief that came up upon hearing about my ex-boyfriend's new relationship. Having spoken to him, I remember why things didn't work out with him. While I'm struggling to have a conscious life and be present in my feelings, he is still living on planet Emotional Shut-Down. There were other small differences, but I wonder if those matter at all. Do I really need to be with someone who read "The Great Gatsby" twenty times? Do I care if someone shares my political beliefs? Do I really care what my partner thinks about our president? What does all that matter, if two people can share their feelings of mutual love and respect. I guess I'm relieved to know that I'm not as shallow as I thought I was. I guess what I really want is to be with someone who knows what's going on with himself. Just for today, I am getting over the pain of breaking up.

The other day I found out that my ex-boyfriend has a new girlfriend. The bridge to that relationship is no longer available for me to traipse over to whenever I'm feeling lonely. I thought about all of the wonderful things about this person and how poorly I had treated him at times and I started spontaneously crying throughout the day. At one point I sat at a park bench and started sobbing. People walked by outside while tears gushed out of my eyes. I tried to look like I had allergies, but then I thought, "what's so wrong with crying? Is this shameful?" And then I realized that it's rare that I walk down the street and see anyone sobbing on the corner. I see people laughing or looking happy, or maybe even angry, but never sad. I can't imagine that all the people in the world don't have things to be sad about, with all the cancer, wars, divorce, unemployment, and loneliness that's in the world. But people just don't seem to cry in public in our culture. So, I thought of my own outburst of tears as a form of service to the world. Just for today, I don't have to feel shame for being human.